"so this is it. all these months of being away from home and now i leave germany back to where i orginate from. sad part . home and life back home will never be the same. i lost so much time these months. debates, janice, my family. i dont know and i really dont want to think about what is going to happen.
I think it doesnt help as well that army beckons and that would put me out of touch for a further 3 months.

Just a lookback at my last few days

Saturday : Checked into the nicest room of my life. it was a great place with an indoor swimming pool, sauna and jacuzzi. Heck they had a beautiful backyard with a great view to boot. the best part is that my friend Ferdinand and his family , the Spitzers were very nice. We went to visit Stephanie in Heidelberg, my favourite German city, and partied the night away. She s exactly the girl i ll love to marry but sigh she s a tad too old. 26 while i am 20. o well....

Sunday : Hangover.... enough said. Sigh going back to a Net-Less existence back home. To karin yes i would love some help with my html
"

Kenneth Goh painted at 7:44 PM |

"sigh. u r getting too busy and getting yourself sick. take good care when i am gone"

Kenneth Goh painted at 8:42 PM |

"too late its all too late"

Kenneth Goh painted at 5:24 PM |

"he was the first name of ur list.
me . not even there. i guess you might think not of what you
wrote but it hurt. i feel like i had suddenly dissipated and
become nothing but a mere specatator of your life

the invisible friend, or was it all just imagination"

Kenneth Goh painted at 5:20 PM |

"i want to be there for you. but
'who am i to say anything anymore. i dont
know how am i to ever see you. u ll be bz.
always bz and then after awhile i ll be in the army
heck i probably cant send u off.
i cant give u the send off u gave to me"

Kenneth Goh painted at 5:18 PM |

"now that i got tt out of my system. i can blog my last posts.
u were sick, i wish i was there. i hate it jan
i hate that idiot you heng. you might say not
but he killed it. you stop trying because of him.

i hate the fact taht i lost my friends'
i hate it that i lost my passionate, loving souls'
i hate god and all that he has promise
was just like us and all the goddamn ppl in this world
nothing but a sham, absolute frauds. "

Kenneth Goh painted at 5:16 PM |

"it s the day before i leave for home.
The day i should have,
would have
could have been looking forward to.
but like what my skin implies. This is a suicide note

I lost my faith and confidence.
shattered in sheer pieces
Fate dealt me a bad card, then another and another
At the end of the day, I see no light at the end of the tunnel.
My 'friends', my Friend ( i hate that label) and my sch . life ending with no future i see but the god damn army
I cant read what she writes anymore because it kills me.

So before she does anything that kills me again.
I ll do it myself in this nice place

It s like a resort except better. Its got 6 bedrooms, big dining rooms , nice backyard, a sauna, a jacuzzi and a swimming pool all indoors , toilets the size of my god forsaken room and a nice view. i should be happy. but i aint.

I ll take a bath, enjoy the music. take a break in the sauna. make some breakfast. watch some tv and come 4pm i ll let meself sink in.

and the pain will be over ....

"

Kenneth Goh painted at 5:14 PM |

"I hope you see this. You know its not stolen property. Unlike you, I never believe in the sort of posessiveness that you have so nicely displayed. I wish u see it. i wish everyone who knows you see what i am about to write and know exactly what happened in the last few months.
I m back and worse. Cold and bitter you have made me. Now its for the world to know how much despicable acts you have done.

I m here to hurt ..............

You know there is such a thing as never crave for someone else's. When i read her goddamn blog i feel jabbed three times over. Why. precisely because all the nice things could have been with me. but i got the carpet pulled off from under my feet. what am i to do. i wasnt even in the same area code much less to say i could do something. you took FULL advantage of her weakness and played it to your advantage. you tried to spend as much time with her as possible. hell you even went on a date with her.

You, Yes thats you boy. DESERVES the insecurity and guiilt you get. i hope it bites and kills you so bad. so bad.

"

Kenneth Goh painted at 5:07 PM |

"Some Slogans i Found +

I Was a Male Bitch Weakling.

What Can The Male Bitches Do For You?

Good Male Bitches Has Danish Written All Over It.

The Best Male Bitches Under One Roof.

Melts In Your Male Bitches, Not In Your Hand.

It's a New Male Bitches Every Day."

Kenneth Goh painted at 12:54 AM |

"Views of how i Love... hmm... interesting insight wont count on it necessarily though.
Go try it yourself and see if its more accurate for you.



1. You are attracted to those who are elegant and well-mannered.

2. In the process of courtship, the approach that would make you
feel irresistable is straight-forward, just tell you he/she
loves you.

3. The impression you would like to give to your lover is optimistic.

4. You don't like it when your partner is emotional and/or too
moody; and you don't know how to please him/her.

5. The kind of relationship you would like to build with your
partner is one that you care not only about the present but
also the future with your partner, a long-lasting relationship
that you can grow with.

6. You care about the society and morality, you won't do anything
wrong after marriage.

7. You think of marriage as a precious thing. Once you get married,
you'll treasure it and your partner very much.

8. At this moment, you don't have the thirst for love, you can't do
anything for it, you won't fall for it easily.
"

Kenneth Goh painted at 12:41 AM |

"First, find out the group that you belong to. I'm born on the 25th of August, so i'll be group E5!

Date of Birth Group

01,06,11,16,21,26,31 A1
02,07,12,17,22,27 B2
03,08,13,18,23,28 C3
04,09,14,19,24,29 D4
05,10,15,20,25,30 E5



Group A1
You consider love as the most beautiful thing and you love to fall in love, but a number of your group members think that the person they love is not sincere with them.
You love to be with your friends and you are always found to be a dutiful friend.
You can hardly control your patients, which is a very big drawback of your nature.
The Person who is ruling your mind & heart these days is perfect for you.



Group B2
Your dreams and ambitions are much important for you and you can do everything to fulfill your dreams. Love is much valuable in your life but you always search for someone perfect. You hardly trust someone.
Your friends are really important for you but normally you hide a lot from them.
You are a deep thinker you always study the negative view as well as positive.
You can lead a happy life with a person for whom you care a lot these days.



Group C3
You always prefer mantel decisions more then emotional ones due to this you don't have a limited number of friends. You consider life a very beautiful gift and you love to enjoy its colors. There are a number of peoples who are your ideals and you loved to spend a big part of your time with them. You are found to be a very sincere lover.
You have a perfect control on your emotions but sometimes your decisions really effect your beloveds.
The person who has just appeared in your mind and you has decided to forward this mail especially to him/her is your real and special friend.



Group D4
Your always have goals to achieve and you can do everything to fulfill the dreams of those who loves you.
You have a sketch of an ideal in your mind and you always search for that personality.
Your friends means a lot to you and you can do everything for the sake of your friend, you a normally found to be an emotional personality.
You have a very less control on your patients and due to this sometimes you over react.
The one who sent you this mail & the one to whom you will send this mail first are your real friends.



Group E5
You are found to be a person who loves to love. You prefer emotional decision more then mental decisions. You consider life just to be enjoy; you are the one who is perfect to call FLURTIES.
You love to increase the list of your friends and beloveds.
You have a number of dreams but you never work hard enough to make your dreams come true which is the biggest drawback in your nature as you take everything much lightly.

I think this test was pretty accurate . Almost to a tee if you asked me. No one is reading this blog but myself so i guess i really ought to be able to express myself to the fullest. Well, its been a crazy few weeks so its days like this where u get to spend time with no one but yourself that you really appreciate who you really are. Heck I don't even have someone to bug me about my comments because i dont have a god darn comments secetion. Emotional decisions... check . increases friends and beloveds...check. never work hard double check. what can i say, this guys really know me well. am starting to become a sucker for this sort of thing.

Listening to: The serene sound of unused computers humming on standby

Afterthought: I wonder whether I could use some snazzy Flash effects onto this darn thing. Must consult
the experts


"

Kenneth Goh painted at 12:29 AM |

"What do I say. I've returned from a place i only previously dreamt of being in but somehow something feels empty inside
what ravages the thought of sheer jubilation one asks ? The thought of the fact that one constant of affectionate words and voice has left. It s never going
to be the same. I don't know to put it but all i could say is that I really feel so so weird reading about her and him being affectionate to each other. i could be wrong. it could be about someone else. but through these coded messages i feel the pain. from the last person i thought would deal me that.










Love hurts "

Kenneth Goh painted at 6:59 PM |

"Its funny how I find solace in the very music that I was introduced to by the one who hurts ....

Do What You Have To Do

What ravages of spirit
conjured this temptuous rage
created you a monster
broken by the rules of love
and fate has lead you through it
you do what you have to do
and fate has led you through it
you do what you have to do ...

and I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go
every moment marked
with apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving
trying to escape this desire
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
but I have the sense to recognize

that I don't know how
to let you go
I don't know how
to let you go

a glowing ember
burning hot
burning slow
deep within I'm shaken by the violence
of existing for only you

I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
and I have sense to recognize but
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go

"

Kenneth Goh painted at 3:00 PM |